Archive for October 2010 | Monthly archive page
To be honest, there are parts of me that I don’t like. Not so much my physical attributes which [let me tell you a secret] I care very little about…I mean,I CARE, but I’m not hung up about how I’m physically presenting myself to the world as much as the mentality with which I’m facing it.
I love words…no surprise here…but of late I’ve been faced with a new dilemma,stringing together the truthful words that say how I really feel. Quite often I see patterns or spot sequences that escape others.I’m always looking for signs from the Universe everywhere so like when the little white boxes in Facebook and Twitter ask ‘What’s on your mind?’ I falter.
What is on my mind? Could I dare say it? How would people take it? Would they judge me on it? That aside,is what i’m saying of any relevance? Is it knowledgable? Life changing or is it mere ‘brain farts’? Utter garbage?
People often tell me i’m too hard on myself,especially the people who have my confidence. I agree. I don’t know how to change or if quite frankly I even want to! I have a morbid fascination with talking and talking and thinking and thinking ad nauseum about the things that bug me. Trust me I have no qualms about spelling out my problems.
Someone recently labeled my endless talks about my issues as a bad case of the ‘Self-Pity’. Of course I countered the label with a sharp reply and serious ‘exhibit A-Z’ to justify why I wasn’t throwing a pity party every time I talked about ‘those’ things.
But was I? Was what I thought was ‘my process’ really a smoke-screen on an all out pity parade? [the more I thought about it,the bigger the whole thing looked.]
The sad realization was that talking about things didn’t make them better,it only firmly established my status quo…a terrible stagnant position that was expertly explained but never changed!
So now I hold back from saying things because I’m weighing them, thinking and thinking before I set off talking and talking.
I’m not saying its a bad thing or that I will stop speaking my mind because what I’m now looking out for is the negative thoughts and the dark places I keep revisiting whenever I say certain things.
We are after all what we profess,what we think is what we are therefore my challenge is to now look at what I’m saying,to REALLY ask myself if the things I’m actually saying are verbal crutches, the handy have-never-could-never vocabulary I’ve always known.
And by embracing silence until all that I can profess will be positive is not too bad of a thing. I actually want to rain on my own parade [Get it?...My pity parade?] Because nothing is more important to me right now than self development even if I have to cut short my love affair with words.
Their God is patient,
Their God is kind,
And that’s why they speak to Him only sometimes,
Like those times when the storms are raging and they seek sturdy ports,
Or when they wake up screaming,fear and worry clouding their hearts,
Other times they wake up happy,
That day that their plans work out or they get lucky,
Those days that darkness presses past shut eyelids and into the mind,
Or when they remember the dearly departed souls that were one of a kind,
That Monday they start out broke but have a hanye they simply must attend,
That Sunday they cross their torsos with holy water and on wooden panels
press their knees as they promise God they will not offend,
That odd day with an open mind they watch programs with religious focus,
And dance unabashedly to their favourite Kirk chorus,
That silent moment after sacrilege or sacrifice,
Or when they gaze upon the marvels of the earth and quiet appreciation will not suffice,
Then is when they turn to Him,with a shaky whisper for protection,
a joyful praise,a naked desire for blessings & guidance
or a reflective shout out of gratitude,
Because they’ve made Him their God of Sometimes,
The sum of times turned to Him in prayer or praise do not number the hairs on their head,
And yet He knew them from their mother’s womb,made their destiny
a journey of dreams and not dread,
‘Them’ and ‘they’ seem like others,
But really its you & me and this is habit is ours,
If God remembers us ALL of the time,lets us have His breathe of Life and more besides,
Don’t you think its about time we made Him the God of Here & Now,not just of Sometimes?…
© wanjeri gakuru
The retrogression of Man begins when he uses his fists to speak.
The day he pays heed to the rush of blood to his ears.
The hour he ignores his peers and crosses the line between
madness and common sense.
The minute he sees best to let expletives tumble from his lips.
It is in that second he raises his fists.
Its a curious case of Benjamin lost his buttons,perhaps money did make man mad?
But if violence is the currency then its got to change.
Its a slippery slope slip back into the Dark Ages where blunt tool,grunts and
gruel ruled and five-finger conversations were considered so cool.
See I’m not talking about self defense,sport or jest but that moment
when a man cuts down another in order to be the ‘best’.
So how about some reverse Darwinism?
Let’s move forward to a place where survival is not for the fittest,
the swiftest but for he who speaks the clearest.
Where victory will be sought by the mouth God gave him
and not the limbs the Devil plays with.
© wanjeri gakuru