Silence is golden.
2010
To be honest, there are parts of me that I don’t like. Not so much my physical attributes which [let me tell you a secret] I care very little about…I mean,I CARE, but I’m not hung up about how I’m physically presenting myself to the world as much as the mentality with which I’m facing it.
I love words…no surprise here…but of late I’ve been faced with a new dilemma,stringing together the truthful words that say how I really feel. Quite often I see patterns or spot sequences that escape others.I’m always looking for signs from the Universe everywhere so like when the little white boxes in Facebook and Twitter ask ‘What’s on your mind?’ I falter.
What is on my mind? Could I dare say it? How would people take it? Would they judge me on it? That aside,is what i’m saying of any relevance? Is it knowledgable? Life changing or is it mere ‘brain farts’? Utter garbage?
People often tell me i’m too hard on myself,especially the people who have my confidence. I agree. I don’t know how to change or if quite frankly I even want to! I have a morbid fascination with talking and talking and thinking and thinking ad nauseum about the things that bug me. Trust me I have no qualms about spelling out my problems.
BUT
Someone recently labeled my endless talks about my issues as a bad case of the ‘Self-Pity’. Of course I countered the label with a sharp reply and serious ‘exhibit A-Z’ to justify why I wasn’t throwing a pity party every time I talked about ‘those’ things.
But was I? Was what I thought was ‘my process’ really a smoke-screen on an all out pity parade? [the more I thought about it,the bigger the whole thing looked.]
The sad realization was that talking about things didn’t make them better,it only firmly established my status quo…a terrible stagnant position that was expertly explained but never changed!
So now I hold back from saying things because I’m weighing them, thinking and thinking before I set off talking and talking.
I’m not saying its a bad thing or that I will stop speaking my mind because what I’m now looking out for is the negative thoughts and the dark places I keep revisiting whenever I say certain things.
We are after all what we profess,what we think is what we are therefore my challenge is to now look at what I’m saying,to REALLY ask myself if the things I’m actually saying are verbal crutches, the handy have-never-could-never vocabulary I’ve always known.
And by embracing silence until all that I can profess will be positive is not too bad of a thing. I actually want to rain on my own parade [Get it?...My pity parade?] Because nothing is more important to me right now than self development even if I have to cut short my love affair with words.
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So someone else convinced you to cut down on your expression? Maybe for the good of it or maybe you should just consider that as hot air and continue on it!
It wasn’t my expression-expression more like how I viewed my problems and talked about them. Made me realize sometimes stuff I say only tears me down!
hey gal. Expression without words and actions is like life without air. Yes we are different. Yes we think different. Yes we have brain farts while geniuses have limits. Heard of the sixth sense, or the third sign of a coin. ? That is exactly why we cannot and will not make everyone happy. My dear, let go of via rational of pleasing both sides. You have been blessed with words, dont keep quiet. You are creating history everytime you do it. Some one is listening even if not all. Express yourself, but be careful be wary. If you cant speak write. When we are sad of life we are more creative
so what does this mean?less writing?
@felix thats true without expression we are dead,but wat ths post is about is my thots on the words we say..do they build us up or destroy us? I thnk the title is misleading [that's my fault] bt I’m not keeping silent to please anyone bt myself.
@kaya nah i’ll be writing for sure!