You see I barely even remember you,
I try really hard but you slip behind the veils of my mind,
And I feel as if I’m trying to catch the wind as it blows past me,
this tangible nothingness I cannot grasp,

So when they tell me that your voice was stern but smooth,
and that your laughter was so beautiful and true,
that it stopped conversations and that it made people look,
and that you laughed and laughed until your whole body shook,
I tell myself that I must remember you,
that somewhere in my mind I must have some recollections of you,

But are they just dreams?
Some made up thoughts that to me almost seem real?
See, I have this void in my heart that only you can fill,
So I seek you in the mirror,
Examining my features to see if they match up to your pictures,
Is this your hair? Are these your cheekbones?
Were your eyes so dark they almost seemed black?

But all I see is a girl who is lost at sea,
A girl whose so jealous of her siblings,
Because they learnt and shared from your teachings,
Then I feel like I lost so much,
Because I didn’t hear your words of wisdom,
and I cant remember your caring touch,

So for many years I retreated into myself
Thought about this person who was there, but wasn’t,
Like hot breathe on a cold window,
whose memory isn’t entrenched like the roots of the willow,
A shadowy figure in my mind

Then one day I flip through your albums and I speak to your peers,
And funny thing is that, the mirror reflects back and I can see you clear,
Then I know that I may not look like you, because you were light and I am dark,
And I may not sound like you because you were soft and I am loud,
But I know that
I dance like you,
I laugh like you,
I love like you
and I smile like you,
And that all the goodness in me it comes from you,

So every time I get down to that Lingala beat,
Every time I open up my heart to love my peeps,
Every time I laugh out loud and every time that I smile,
I know that I got it from you mamaa
And for that I am grateful.

© wanjeri gakuru

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